Season’s Greetings and a question: Is your past running your life?

Welcome the gift of learning.  My most recent learning  concerns a new and long-overdue awareness of the extent to which my past has ruled  my life.  I suspect there might be others like me among you: hard-working, good-intentioned  and deserving people who are unknowingly burdened by the weight of a painful past experience. It is never too late to learn what the past can reveal to us.  The learning I want to share with you today stems from my experience of Christmas. When I was a child of 7 years of age, my father suffered a stroke and paralysis that required months of rehabilitation and recovery. We were a family of 6, and we were left without a bread-winner for a time.  I have only recently noticed that it is that Christmas that has literally haunted me to this day. My family ended up on welfare back then, and surely the pain and suffering around me, of my parents, the worry, the uncertainty of the future, the feeling of helplessness and fear all must have struck me to the core, because I have been carrying it around ever since, albeit unknowingly. Until now, I have not been able to connect the dots: Why have I not been able to enjoy Christmas? Why have I always felt an inexplicable sadness pervade me in December that I have been unable to understand?  In truth, I have not fully or truly enjoyed a Christmas since that significant Christmas so long ago. We were actually rescued from a total Christmas disaster by some caring, anonymous folks  who donated  food and gift items that year, to those in need.  To this day, I remember the unexpected knock that sounded at the kitchen door on Christmas Eve that year, as we humbly marveled at the delivery that followed by a kind stranger making the rounds to families like mine: a turkey, some other food items, but, above all, gifts! I recall distinctly feeling it was a miracle. It’s a pity, though, that despite the generosity of strangers, I must have felt I could not permit myself to enjoy the gifts, given the apparent suffering of my parents during this uncertain and frightening time-the fear of  the future and what it would bring was palpable. Like others who suffered adversity in life, I too grew stronger from this childhood experience.  Let me conclude by saying this: I am grateful today for my insights about this Christmas-motivated most perhaps from my own exasperation about annually robbing myself of the pleasure of a beautiful and special season. AT LAST I SEE THAT IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. You and I can change the programming, once we have the awareness of its negative and non-supportive impact upon us.  Simply put, I am not that frightened, guilt-ridden child any longer. I choose to celebrate my extreme good fortune in life this Christmas, like I have never before celebrated it-with a new awareness of how lucky I am and knowing that I can release the bonds of painful experiences from the past. It’s about time!  It’s a choice available to all.  Please accept my warmest and heart-felt season’s greetings to you for  peace, love, harmony and prosperity during this special season and in the new year.

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